I remember way back in the mid to late 2000s, I used to drink much more that time than I have recently before I quit last month in August. Although I was in my mid-thirties, it was a confusing time for me personally. I am glad to be here to tell you this story.

My brother and I had managed to purchase a 66 oz Five Star whiskey. I do not remember the details on how we got it but we had it and we were going to have an all-nighter down by the lake at Hall Lake. It was a beautiful summer night and we had a mosquito coil repelling all the bloodsuckers away from us. We had a deck of cards, and we played many card games, I do not remember if we gambled or not, but it was fun.

As the night wore on, I remember laughing and joking with my brother as we brought up stories of our friends and the past history of our lives growing up at the house up the hill. I remember we would argue over trivial matters and apologize for past misunderstandings. Dialogue would be spread from “I love you, bro,” to “You’re so stupid!” Haha, good times (well, maybe not).

As the morning came and the sun started rising, I asked my brother what happened to the guy that was sitting with us and was laughing and listening to us as we drank ourselves away.

“You kept asking me earlier, I keep telling you, there was nobody here with us.” My brother explained.

I thought back and distinctly remember a guy wearing a brown leather jacket, a dark jean pants and he had neat black hair. I remember his smile as he nodded his head when he listened to us joking and laughing. I could not recall the way his face looked, but he was dark-skinned like my brother and me.

Later, as I drank some more over the years at different times, I would recall this event vividly. When I got to a certain state of intoxication, I would sense that I would see the other person again, I even gave him a name: Seth. I would be in a heightened state of awareness of my surroundings and fear would envelop me as I thought that he would show up again.

When I lived at Lakeview apartments, I saw him at the corner of my eye at the doorway, and yes again, I was in a certain state of intoxication. I did not see the details of his features as well as the last time, more of a silhouette of the man I saw so many years ago. This was either 2012 or 2013, I binged many times during those years.

The last time I saw him was in a dream. I had been drinking at my apartment and fell asleep. I was parked at a parking lot of a 24-hour gas station, Meechewin Place. It was night, well past midnight, I was sitting on the driver’s side when I heard a voice saying, “Let’s go see her.” A reference to my now wife of four years. I looked at the passenger seat and there he was, Seth, grinning and encouraging me to drive to Hall Lake even though I was drunk. His features were in much more in detail than the silhouette but less than when I saw him down by the lake.

I had told my mother about the initial interaction with Seth and she called him,”kimacāyisim,” your devil or demon. I do not know how serious she was because she just sounded like she was teasing me about it. Considering I was drunk at the time, I am not surprised at her reaction. Maybe she was trying to scare me, haha, it might have even worked a time or two when I thought about it at night.

I am a skeptic of many things, including my imagined interaction with this person. I was always under the influence when I thought of him or supposedly interacted with him. Never at any time was there any physical contact. Other than in the dream, he never talked or reached out to me. He was more of a presence that kind of reminded me of me, like a younger self who had never gotten anywhere in his life. A path I could have ended up following many times but have since smartened up. It is surreal to write about and even more so to reminisce about the events that I know could not have taken place.

Being under the influence of any mind-altering substance is dangerous: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Spiritually I have many challenges, I hope to understand someday what I may be missing, but then again, maybe I am not missing anything. However, that is another blog for another time.

kotak awiyak ī-wihci minihkwīmikowahk – Another Person drinks with us

kimacāyisim – your devil or demon (may mean something different to others).

From: https://itwewina.altlab.app/word/minihkw%C3%AAw/
I – niminihkwān

you (one) – kiminihkwān

s/he – minihkwīw

we (but not you) – niminihkwānān

Eyes Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay

I quit smoking – nipōni-pīhtwān. Cigarettes and cigars have ruled my time between activities and everything else. I had been smoking since I was twelve years old. I blogged about my past experiences with smoking in Nov 2020 (Smoking on the Rez and Other Places). I had attempted to quit smoking many times.

The last time I smoked was Feb 21, 2022, it is now May 21, 2022, three whole months. My previous best was about three weeks in 2019, but my trigger, which is driving and smoking, got me right back into it. It is becoming less and less of a trigger.

I recently had an appointment with an eye specialist, and he was glad I quit smoking because as a diabetic, smoking significantly increases the risk of my eyes getting damaged. I have told several people of my accomplishment but hearing the doctor’s elation about quitting, made me proud. ¹

My blood pressure has improved and I feel more energetic. There is one setback, I gained about 11 pounds. It is because food is now so delicious from my healing taste buds. Spices and sweets have come to life and I end up eating more than I should.² It is something I need to work on. Plus I need to exercise more but one step at a time.

I recently found out that the brand of cigarettes I smoked, have gone up in price again, they are now over 17 bucks a pack. This is at the rez store with a treaty card.

It pains me to see many young people starting to smoke, they do not know what they are getting themselves into. While things may have improved nationally, it is still an ongoing problem.³

nipōni-pīhtwān– I quit smoking, the literal term might be “I stopped smoking,” but most people I know would say the Cree term, to mean they had quit smoking.

The following Cree words came from Itwêwina: Plains Cree Dictionary – https://sapir.artsrn.ualberta.ca/cree-dictionary/ We basically say it the same way.

pîhtwâw (Verb) – s/he smokes. MD

pîhtwâhkâsow (Verb) – s/he pretends to smoke CW

ciscêmâs (Noun) – Tobacco

¹Vision Loss, Blindness, and Smoking – https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/diseases/vision-loss-blindness.html

²Stopping smoking has many immediate and long-term benefits. It’s worth pushing through the tough times –  https://www.quit.org.au/articles/seven-things-happen-when-you-quit-smoking/#:~:text=Food%20will%20start%20tasting%20better,for%20that%20Sunday%20roast%20%E2%80%93%20YUM!

³Tobacco and Vaping Use in Canada: Moving Forward https://cpha.ca/tobacco-and-vaping-use-canada-moving-forward#:~:text=In%202018%2C%203.2%25%20of%20youth,aged%2018%2D19%20years%20smoked.&text=Among%20the%2019%2D24%20age,of%20age%20reported%20regular%20smoking.

Quit smoking Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay